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What Happens After Self-Care? What Eight Years of Practice Revealed

There’s a particular kind of exhaustion that seeps into your bones when you’ve given every part of yourself away.

Ten years ago, I knew that exhaustion intimately. Sixty hours a week (being paid for only 30 hours) I poured myself into work that drained my spirit, all for an hourly pay rate that barely sustained survival.

The company spoke eloquently about self-care – even touting it as a core value – wrapping their expectations in gentle phrases: “Take all the time you need… as long as the work gets done.”

Let that sink in for a moment. It’s like telling a fish it can breathe air, as long as it stays underwater. Pure nonsense wrapped in a pretty bow of heart-centered doublespeak. There was always more work. Always another deadline. Always another crisis that needed attention.

In the brief, quiet moments between emergencies, my body whispered its truth: This cannot continue.

 

The Birth of Self-Care Weeks

Silhouette of a person in vibrant watercolor, sitting cross-legged, holding leaves, surrounded by foliage. Artificial Intelligence was used in some way to create, enhance, or edit this image.When I finally stepped away from working for that company to re-focus on my own business, I carried two things: a deep knowing that I needed to prioritize self-care, and the sobering awareness that the first thing small business owners sacrifice on the altar of survival is their own wellbeing.

Something had to change. Not just in theory, but in practice.

Drawing from years of experience in both corporate and small business environments, I knew one truth held constant: what gets scheduled gets done.

After 40+ years watching my own “vacation time” slip away through the fingers of businesses that felt forced to offer time away, but were willing to do so “as long as the work got done,” I knew without a doubt that if time off isn’t prioritized, put on the calendar, set in stone – it’s gonna continue to slip away.

And so, with trembling hands but firm resolve, I drew a line in the sand for myself:

The last week of every quarter would become sacred ground. Four weeks a year where self-care wasn’t just a priority—it was the only priority.

 

Learning to Breathe Again

At first, these self-care weeks felt almost foreign—like trying to remember a language I’d once known but had long forgotten. My nervous system, accustomed to constant action, didn’t quite know what to do with stillness.

But slowly, breath by breath and quarter by quarter, something began to shift.

Self-care started seeping into the spaces between the weeks. It whispered to me during morning coffee, nudged me during email checks, reminded me to pause between tasks. Like water slowly wearing away stone, it began carving new pathways in my daily existence.

Every day, I learned to attune more deeply to my needs:

– Mental: What does my mind require for clarity?
– Emotional: What feelings need tending?
– Physical: What does my body ask for?
– Spiritual: What nourishes my soul?
– Energetic: What restores my life force?

 

The Deep Integration

Abstract shape with a gradient of colors including yellow, orange, pink, purple, and blue on a white background. Small circles surround the main shape. Artificial Intelligence was used in some way to create, enhance, or edit this image.Eight years of this practice has taught me something profound: self-care isn’t something we do—it’s something we become.

Being autistic means my capacity varies widely from day to day, even hour to hour. I never know whether my executive function will support my plans or leave me struggling to complete basic tasks. Through consistent practice of deep self-care, I’ve learned to honor these rhythms rather than fight them.

This attunement has become so natural that it’s now woven into the fabric of my days. Self-care isn’t just scheduled—it’s embedded in how I structure my tasks, handle communications, and make decisions. It’s become the foundation that supports everything else.

 

An Unexpected Evolution – Freedom Weeks

In a recent Self-Care Week, as I settled into what should have been another quarterly week of rest and nourishment, something felt different. Not wrong—just changed. Like wearing a coat you’ve outgrown.

I noticed myself feeling disappointed. There were big, fun projects I wanted to tackle, nourishing, creative endeavors calling my name. But despite my sincere desire and willingness to step in, it’s like there was some kind of invisible wall preventing me. I didn’t even feel like I needed rest or self-care, I just didn’t have access to do anything else.

Over the years, I’ve learned to trust what shows up in my body, so I graciously surrendered into self-care. I rested, slept, nourished, and fed my body, mind, and spirit. It was lovely, even if it didn’t feel necessary.

Sharing this with my friend Tina (who is freakin’ brilliant, by the way), she offered an insight that struck like lightning: “Perhaps you manifested a self-care week, and that’s exactly what the Universe brought you. What if next time you want to manifest a ‘get shit done’ week instead?”

In that moment, everything shifted.

For eight years, I’d been calling in these “self-care weeks.” I’d been signaling to the universe, to my body, to my whole being that these weeks were for caring, nurturing, restoring. And rightly so… because for the last 8 years I needed this kind of “mandatory invitation” into rest. And, as with all the previous weeks, the Universe, in its infinite wisdom, had delivered exactly that.

But here’s the revelation that left me breathless: I no longer need to dedicate entire weeks to self-care because it’s already woven into the fabric of my daily existence. Self-care has become my foundation, my starting point, my natural state of being.

Silhouette of a person with one wing in rainbow watercolor style, reaching upward. A small bird is flying above against a white background. Artificial Intelligence was used in some way to create, enhance, or edit this image.This integration has created something profound: true freedom.

Freedom to rest when my body calls for rest.
Freedom to create when inspiration strikes.
Freedom to tackle big projects when energy flows.
Freedom to simply be with whatever arises.

And so from here on out, these weeks will be named: Freedom Week.

Because self-care is no longer something I have to consciously schedule or enforce, I can trust myself to maintain my wellbeing while pursuing other desires. If I need deep rest during these weeks, I can take it. If I want to dive into an ambitious project, I can do that too. If I want to alternate between rest and creation hour by hour—that’s perfectly fine.

I have the freedom to do whatever I’m feeling called to do during Freedom Week.

This is the gift that consistent self-care practice offers: not just survival, not just sustainability, but the profound freedom to choose. When we no longer have to focus all our energy on meeting our basic needs for care, whole new worlds of possibility open before us.

It’s like building a house—you have to pour the foundation before you can add the fun stuff like windows and doors and wraparound porches. Self-care is that foundation. Once it’s solid, once it’s cured and settled and strong, you can build anything upon it.

This wasn’t freedom I could have accessed eight years ago. I needed those strictly-defined self-care weeks to learn the rhythm of caring for myself. I needed that structure to develop new patterns, to break old habits, to remember how to listen to my own needs.

But now? Now self-care is as natural as breathing. And in that naturalness, in that deep integration, I’ve found a freedom I never knew was possible – and new possibilities, new potentials.

 

Three Practices for Your Journey

If you’re feeling called to deepen your own relationship with self-care, here are three practices to explore:

  1. Daily Attunement
    • Set aside 5 minutes each morning to check in with your body, mind, and spirit
    • Ask yourself: “What do I need today to feel sustained and nourished?”
    • Honor whatever answer arises, even if it seems impractical or uncomfortable
  2. Quarterly Time Away
    • Are you taking consistent time away from work?
    • What if you scheduled 1 week off a quarter and honored that time away as sacred?
    • You don’t have to plan anything (although you can). What would your week look like if it was centered on caring fully for yourself?
  3. Integration Reflection
    • What changes within you when you allow yourself to prioritize self-care?
    • What boundaries can you set to support you in integrating more self-care into your routine?
    • What support do you need to integrate self care on a daily basis?

 

The Continuing Journey

A colorful spiral pattern in watercolor style, featuring a gradient from red to blue with splashes of paint around the edges. Artificial Intelligence was used in some way to create, enhance, or edit this image.The path from survival to self-care to freedom isn’t linear. It’s more like a spiral, returning to similar points but at different levels of understanding. Each turn brings new insights, new challenges, and new opportunities for growth.

I’m curious to see how this evolution from self-care weeks to freedom weeks will unfold. What new possibilities will open up? What deeper layers of integration await discovery?

What I know for certain is this: true freedom doesn’t come from escaping our needs, but from learning to honor them so deeply that caring for ourselves becomes as natural as breathing.

This is the gift that consistent self-care offers—not just survival, not just sustainability, but the profound freedom to be fully ourselves in each precious moment.

wishing you more love, not less – all-ways💜™,

Steve

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