2 years ago...
… in The Village, I published 12 reminders that were coming up for me.
I want to re-visit and share these reminders, and add some additions based on things I’ve remembered in the last two years.
The Original 12 Reminders
(While the reminders are essentially the same, the writing has been edited to be more readable and cohesive.)
As many of you know, I’ve been in a process of transformation, healing, and rediscovery. The universe has been sending me powerful reminders these past few weeks—messages I want to share because I have a sense that they may have some meaning for you.
The Seduction of False Excitement
I’ve learned that what glitters often imprisons. The excitement being sold to us—achievements, status, fitting in—these are sophisticated traps. What looks thrilling from the outside has repeatedly proven hollow for me, sometimes even harmful. The world keeps offering these shiny distractions, but I’m learning to see through the packaging.
Finding Vibrancy in the Overlooked
Ironically, what appears boring or mundane on the surface often contains the most vibrant, meaningful experiences. The quiet moments. The small choices. The ordinary decisions that nobody witnesses but me. There’s a richness in these supposedly “boring” spaces that I’ve been conditioned to overlook but now recognize as sacred.
The Foundation of Self-Care
All-ways prioritizing self-care, acceptance, love, and compassion isn’t selfish—it’s essential survival. This foundation prevents meltdowns on every level. When I abandon self-care to please others or meet external expectations, I’m building on quicksand. My well-being can’t be sacrificed in service to anything else, because without it, everything else collapses.
Embracing My Full Spectrum
I’m allowing myself to be as quirky, weird, creative, passionate, self-expressive, feminine, masculine, excited, nurturing, and vibrant as I authentically am. These qualities aren’t decorative—they’re structural. They’re not optional extras but essential components of who I am. Both the calm and the storm have their place in my emotional landscape.
The Power of Standing Alone
I’ve discovered that I’m absolutely okay being all alone, even isolated. Partnership might appear in my journey (I’m available and receptive), but it’s neither essential nor necessarily helpful on my particular path in this lifetime. Society sells the myth that we’re incomplete without partnership, but I’m whole exactly as I am.
Surrendering to Necessary Deaths
Perhaps most importantly, I’m learning to let things die. I’m no longer afraid to metaphorically end up at the bottom of the ocean or in the dark without my wallet or room number. Letting myself meltdown—letting parts of me die—is how rebirth happens. This applies equally to relationships, identities, possessions, and beliefs.
Independence in Rebirth
My well-being and rebirth aren’t contingent on others or how they relate to me. While connection matters, my “being-ness” isn’t dependent on anyone else’s journey, approval, or participation. This realization has been both liberating and challenging, as it places the responsibility for my growth and presence squarely in my hands.
The Simple Purpose
This lifetime is about me being fully, authentically me. That’s it. There is no grander mission, no complex purpose—just the radical act of being exactly who I am. When I align with this truth, I don’t hurt anyone; in fact, I contribute to the world in the only way that’s sustainable and genuine.
The Danger of Sedation
When I allow myself to be “sedated” by conformity—by fitting in with what’s “normal” and “acceptable”—I inevitably drift toward experiences of abuse and harm. Playing the game leads me away from myself. The more I align with external expectations rather than internal truth, the more I suffer.
Letting Go
Other people, things, and groups that I love will also transform—sometimes in directions that are not aligned for me. Watching this unfold is painful, but I’m learning to let them go when necessary. When something is over, it’s over, and no amount of hoping or pretending changes that reality. Learning to grieve deeply without collapse is genius.
The Superpower of Relaxation
The optimal state to live from is relaxation—not passive disengagement, but a deep, authentic settling into my experience as it is. This doesn’t mean avoiding challenges or difficult emotions, but rather meeting them from a place of fundamental acceptance. This relaxed presence is my superpower.
So… that was the original list. There’s some really good stuff in there. I wonder if any of that resonated with you. If so… how can you remember it for yourself? How will you really live the reminder?
And now… for the updated list…
7 more gems...
The Illusion of Separation
I’ve discovered that the most profound truth isn’t something to achieve but something to remember—we are not separate beings moving through existence, but consciousness itself having an experience. What appears as my struggle, my joy, my pain is simply consciousness modulating in this particular form. This isn’t spiritual bypass; it’s recognition that both the intensity of my autistic experience and the peace of awareness can coexist without contradiction. When I no longer fight to transcend my experience but instead recognize it as consciousness expressing itself perfectly, I find infinite space for everything to be exactly as it is. This reduces, if not eliminates, suffering.
Intensity as Gift Rather Than Burden
Society taught me to apologize for my intensity—my deep thinking, emotional complexity, sensory sensitivity. I’ve learned this intensity isn’t a flaw but a profound gift. (It’s fucking challenging… but still… a gift I would not give up.)
My autism and giftedness don’t need fixing or managing away; they’re essential expressions of my consciousness. The depth with which I perceive and process isn’t “too much”—it’s exactly right for this particular being. When I stop trying to dim my light to make others comfortable, I discover there are those who find illumination precisely in what I was taught to hide.
The Courage of Non-Productivity
I’m rejecting the narrative that my worth is measured by what I produce, achieve, or contribute as capitalism would have us believe. The radical act of simply being—of prioritizing presence over production—isn’t laziness but courage. In a world obsessed with metrics and outcomes, choosing to value my existence independent of externally validated accomplishment is revolutionary. I no longer need to justify my space through constant doing. The being that I am requires no justification, no product, no measurable outcome to be worthy of love, respect, and care.
The Integration of Pleasure and Pain
My childhood sexual abuse (from age 4 to 17) created patterns I’ve struggled to understand—how physical pleasure could exist alongside profound violation. I’ve learned that my young body responded naturally to stimulation before I had the context to understand its meaning. This wasn’t my failure or flaw but my system’s attempt to survive. By recognizing this complexity without shame, I can hold both the wound and the adaptation with compassion. My sexuality (and my nervous system) isn’t broken—it developed exactly as it needed to within impossible circumstances. This integration doesn’t excuse what happened but allows me to witness my full experience without fragmentation.
The Depth Beyond Masking
For decades, I’ve performed normalcy—carefully studying and mimicking neurotypical behavior while hiding my authentic autistic self. This masking provided safety but at devastating cost to my wellbeing and authenticity. I’m now discovering who I am beneath these accumulated layers of performance. What emerges isn’t broken or incomplete but profoundly whole—a being with unique patterns of thought, perception, and relation that don’t need correction. The real disability wasn’t my autism but the exhaustion of pretending to be someone I’m not in a world that is unyieldingly neurotypical. In unmasking, I’m not becoming different—I’m finally allowing myself to be seen.
Being Versus Transmission
I’ve released the need to be a transmitter, teacher, or guide—to somehow package and deliver my understanding to others. This desire to transmit, while appearing selfless, often contains subtle ego and separation. Instead, I’m simply being what I am—Love knowing itself through this particular form. Any transformation that occurs around me isn’t something I’m doing but something that happens naturally when Love as Consciousness recognizes itself. This shift removes the burden of responsibility for others’ journeys while paradoxically allowing for more authentic connection. Nothing needs to be fixed, changed, or taught—it only needs to be witnessed in love.
The Freedom in Making Space
I’m learning that creating explicit boundaries and environmental adjustments isn’t selfish or special treatment—it’s essential honoring of my neurodivergent reality. When I decline invitations, limit sensory input, or request specific accommodations, I’m creating the conditions where I can be fully present. The freedom I find in this space-making ripples outward, inviting others to honor their own needs without apology. True connection happens not when we force ourselves into uncomfortable conformity but when we create containers that allow our authentic selves to emerge and engage.
And… that is the new list. There’s some really good stuff in there, too. It’s challenging to stop at only seven… there are many more.
What resonated with you?
When I originally posted this in The Village I created the image above using AI and Photoshop. The image was really meaningful to Villagers, and to me, so I thought I’d share it in it’s full version here.
