One of the ways I experience my Autism is that I dislike surprises. Even good ones.

The good ones are much easier to get over…. but my version of “good” is subjective and fairly narrow.

I always am happy to receive surprises of food, money, or expressions of loving-kindness. Anything else… I prefer to be given a heads-up before something shows up in my physical space.

This includes surprises in movies. I don’t like those either.

Sometimes people are sharing about a movie and they say, “I don’t want to reveal any spoilers.” I always reply, “I love spoilers – they actually help me enjoy the movie more.”

I mean, seriously… please don’t tell me someone I’ll grow attached to in a movie dies… because it will devastate me. I need a heads up on that shit. Which is why I almost always read about a movie before I watch it.

Same with restaurants. Don’t put a major ingredient in my food that you didn’t tell me was gonna be in there. I can’t take it. And it gets embarrassing for me, real quick. This is why I always study a menu before I go somewhere new.

And parking. Surprise – no parking available! UGH! Please don’t make me go somewhere there won’t be clear and ample parking nearby. This makes me a nervous wreck. Which is why when Google Maps came out and they included the “Street View” feature, a whole new world opened up for me. Now, I could virtually walk the streets to see what parking is like.

Don’t even get me started on an unexpected knock at the door.

When I lived in Denver, I literally told my friends group, “Do NOT, under any circumstances “just drop by.”” They all knew they had to text first.

The most common unpleasant surprise for me is receiving an unexpected phone call.

I detest receiving them when they aren’t expected or announced via text first.

If it’s scheduled, that’s fine. But otherwise, it’s a whole ordeal for me and my nervous system. It’s just always felt like a total assault on my senses.

However…

Recently, with Apple’s release of iOS 17, they released some new ringtones.

I discovered through a YouTube video that some of these new ringtones were really quite nice, so I went to have a listen.

O. M. G.

I found a ringtone that I actually LOVE.

This is a new experience for me, because I’ve never been in love with a ringtone before. Seriously… this ringtone changes everything. I had no idea how much the ringtone played a part in my experience.

Now, don’t get me wrong…. I still don’t like the surprise of an unannounced phone call.

But if it happens, why not have a ringtone that actually immediately soothes my nervous system? It’s like an immediate application of a healing salve on a fresh wound.

I was sharing with a dear friend the other day that when she called for our weekly chat, I love my ringtone so much I almost don’t want to answer the call – I’d like the ringtone to finish first. I said ALMOST. I still answered because the fun and laughter and connection she and I have during our chats is a bright spot of every week.

Anyway… the whole point of sharing all of this is to share what I feel is the gentlest, most nourishing ringtone I’ve ever experienced (outside of being on silent ).

This feels like one of those teeny tiny self-care items that make a world of difference.

If you have an iPhone and want to use this ringtone (there are several others that are also pretty wonderful)… go into settings, tap “Sounds & Haptics.” Tap on “Ringtone,” and choose “Unfold.” (Note: you must have your device updated to iOS 17 or later.)

Here’s the ringtone. Enjoy! (I’ve actually played this like 25 times. )

I hope you’re able to find something as simple as a ringtone that brings your nervous system some gentle ease.