The Cycle of Evasion and Pursuit – Actual Infinity Podcast

Welcome to the Actual Infinity Podcast. I’m Steve, and today we’re exploring what I call the cycle of evasion and pursuit, which is a pattern that keeps most of us running in circles our entire lives.

If you find yourself constantly trying to get to a place where you can finally take a breath, finally rest, finally feel better, or finally, finally, finally to be fully you again. If you’re stressed about world events and you’re feeling scared and vulnerable, if you’re exhausted from trying to get away from your problems and push down your resistance and push away the friction in your life, I want to invite you to listen closely and step in because I think you might be in this cycle.

I’ve been in this cycle many, many, many times, most of my life. And I want to share with you what’s helping me to break the cycle of evasion and pursuit.

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Understanding the Cycle

The cycle of evasion and pursuit. This is a pattern that keeps most of us running in circles our entire lives. And you know what I mean? That constant drive to escape what feels uncomfortable while chasing after what we think makes us happy. Maybe it’s scrolling social media to avoid feeling lonely or pushing ourselves to achieve more because we think success will finally make us feel worthy. Or perhaps losing ourselves in addiction to escape reality.

You know, this is not an easy world to navigate for sure. And our nervous systems are literally wired for this cycle. The sympathetic response often kicks in because our whole world feels dangerous. A lot of the times we are genuinely in a cycle of survival. And so if you’re experiencing this, I just want to start by saying you’re not doing it wrong. You’re not getting it wrong.

If you’re feeling this cycle of evasion and pursuit, it probably means your nervous system is actually functioning well. Because when we’re unsafe, which there’s many reasons why we might feel unsafe in this world, the sympathetic response kicks in naturally, telling you to fight or to flee from perceived threats. And then on the other side, your drive towards pleasure and safety has you constantly pursuing the next achievement or the next milestone or the next healing or whatever you think will make you feel finally feel complete or safe.

It’s not wrong to want to feel safe. It’s not wrong to want to feel complete. It’s not wrong to want to avoid perceived threats. But it’s like being caught in an endless hamster wheel. Running and running and running and never actually getting anywhere. And why? Because we’ve forgotten our true nature as love itself.

A Personal Journey

Now at the beginning here, let me be really clear about something. I’m not at all trying to shame anyone caught in this cycle. As I mentioned before, I have been in this cycle most of my life and I still get in this cycle. This is not easy. But it’s exactly why I’m talking about it.

My own journey has included religious trauma, complex trauma, sexual abuse, addiction. I’m autistic. I intimately understand what it means to want to escape reality. My entire life is difficult. I have, well, there’s a lot of reasons why. So I understand. And when you’re dealing with genuine pain and trauma, the desire to get away makes complete sense.

But here’s the revolutionary truth I’ve discovered. The peace, the love, and the safety we’re all desperately seeking. It’s already here. Not as some spiritual bypass that denies our human experience, but as the actual fundamental reality of what we are.

Understanding Awareness

Think about it like this. When you experience intense emotions, whether it’s joy or pain, doesn’t matter if we perceive those intense emotions as pleasant or uncomfortable. There’s always an awareness present that knows the experience. That awareness isn’t separate from you. It is what you fundamentally are.

That awareness, another word we could use for that is consciousness. Some people might say your higher self. It is the screen upon which the movie of experience is played, just as a metaphor. Right? So that part of you that is connected to the greater reality, to the universe, to whatever you want to call it, the divine, God, whatever. The stuff that you’re made of. It’s that you that you’ve always been.

You know, there’s been, as I mentioned before about my life experience with all of those things, the religious trauma and sexual abuse and the addiction and the autism and all the things. One thing has never changed in my life. And that is the awareness that’s been here, that noticed, that experienced all of those things.

While my body has changed, my voice has changed, my experiences have changed. Steve, the me, the one who is observing all of those things, aware of all of those things, connected to all of those things. That Steve, that essential me, is still here. And your essential you is still here. It’s not separate from you. It is what you are. It is what you fundamentally are. And its nature is love and peace.

The Path to Liberation

So when we stop running and turn towards what’s here, while knowing ourselves as the love and awareness in which it all appears, something really profound happens. We discover that we’re not our experience. We’re the consciousness, the love itself in which all experience arises. And this isn’t just philosophical theory. It’s not just a spiritual paradigm. It’s practical liberation.

You know, when memories of my childhood sexual abuse suddenly emerged for me last year. At 52 years old. I thankfully had already developed the capacity to meet them from this place of knowing myself as awareness of being the awareness of love. And so when these memories and experiences came back into and through my body. I could hold both the trauma and the healing simultaneously. The experiences themselves didn’t change. But my relationship to them was transformed completely by meeting them with my essential self. By meeting them with this love. By being the space within which they could arise and be held.

Important Clarification

Now, I want to be really clear about something. This understanding doesn’t mean that we don’t take practical action in our lives. If you’re in actual danger, get out. If you’re struggling with addiction, get help. If you need therapy or medication or support, get it. If you are in pain and you need relief, get it.

What I’m pointing to isn’t about denying our human needs or transcending our humanity. Trying to be some ethereal, peaceful guru, sage person who walks around in a cloak and who is always peaceful all the time. We’re fucking human. We’re going to be messy and we’re going to have pain. This is our human experience. And I don’t believe that our purpose here is to transcend human experience. I think we’re supposed to be in our fucking experience. All of it.

What I’m inviting you to question is the fundamental assumption that peace and happiness lie somewhere other than here. That you need to escape this moment to go find what you’re looking for. That you’re somehow separate from the love that you long for. The love that you are.

When we’re caught in the cycle of evasion and pursuit, we’re like waves desperately trying to find the ocean. Not realizing that we’re already the ocean. Every wave that arises in consciousness, whether it’s pleasure or pain, comfort or discomfort is already completely embraced and held by the love and the peace that we are.

The Miracle of Being

And here’s the good news. This is the miracle. This isn’t something you have to achieve or become. You don’t have to fix yourself or transcend your humanity or reach any kind of special state. This is already what you are. The awareness, the love in which all experiences arise. Including the experience of feeling separate or incomplete.

So the invitation isn’t to escape your current experience or pursue some idealized future state. It’s to turn towards what’s already here. To meet the moment. To meet this moment. Exactly as it is. While knowing yourself is the love and awareness in which it appears.

Now, I know this can sound abstract or overwhelming. Especially if you’re dealing with real pain or trauma. Trust me. I get it. I know. This isn’t a magic fix that makes everything okay. That takes your pain away and makes life always pleasant. This is deeply grounded in reality.

And so, this, what I’m sharing with you today lacks the grand promises of relief. It may make this podcast really unsuccessful. Because everybody is running around seeking relief. Trying to escape their experience.

Practical Steps

So let’s get practical. This is something that I want to invite you into. This is just a taste. The next time you notice yourself trying to escape discomfort. Or chasing after something that you think will make you happy. If you can just notice that. If you can notice like, oh, I’m going after this thing because I think that’s going to get me in a better place. Just notice that. That would be a miracle. If you could just notice it.

Like notice how often you’re running, trying to get to a place where you can finally get what you want. Or finally be who you want to be. Or finally have the experience that you’re looking for. If you could notice it. If you could notice it. Anything is possible. Because we can do a lot with that. It’s in the fact that we don’t even notice it. Because we are so conditioned in our lives from birth. To chase after. To pursue. And to escape.

The Practice

So the next time you notice yourself trying to escape discomfort. Or chasing after something you think will make you happy. If you can notice it. Pause for a moment. Just take a breath. Just for a second. Just one breath. Notice. This space in which both the discomfort and the desire to escape it are appearing. This large context of being that is you. This you that has had every experience of your life. Who survived every experience of your life and is still here.

You don’t have to fix anything. You don’t have to make the discomfort go away. You don’t have to shame yourself for having the desire to escape the discomfort. You don’t have to really do anything different. Just notice. That you are the awareness. You are the love. In which all of it is happening. See if you can simply. Meet the experience with the love. That you are. That is wired. Energetically. Into every single cell of your being.

This simple recognition. Practiced again and again. Begins to dissolve the cycle of evasion and pursuit. Naturally. And it changes. Absolutely. Everything.

Understanding the Change

Now that might sound like. Well then isn’t this just another strategy. To evade the discomfort. No. It does change everything. It can’t help but to change everything. But it’s not from a place of evasion and pursuit. That. That. That. Is something that. Is a natural co-occurrence. With what we’re doing here. With awareness. With love.

Why is it not evasion and pursuit. To bring your attention. To the love that you already are. Because we’re actually moving towards. And into our experience. Into the present moment. To meet it. What happens afterwards. We don’t actually. Do anything. It’s just a natural occurrence.

The Nervous System Perspective

And this is beautiful. Because it’s exactly how our nervous system operates. Most people who are doing nervous system training out in the world. Are in this same cycle of evasion and pursuit. They want to tell you that getting into a state called ventral. Which is where we are feel safe and connected. Is the primary place that we want to be.

And so the practices that we do. And the meditations that we do. And the techniques that we use. Are all meant to get us out of sympathetic. Or get us out of a dorsal. Shutdown response. And back into a ventral response. Where we can feel safe and connected. And that is just. Continuing this cycle.

We’re evading. Fight or flight mode. We are evading shutdown and collapse. And we are pursuing getting back into this safe and connected mode. And we’re using this beautiful design of the nervous system. To justify it. And it’s reinforcing this unfortunate pattern.

A Different Approach

What I teach. In my nervous system training. And what I’m trying to share with you here. Is that we can simply meet the moment. With presence. With awareness. With love. Because that’s our essential state anyway.

And if we can just do that. If we can just be here now. What we’ll notice. Is that over time. As we continue to meet these moments with love. Our system naturally. Begins to shift. We don’t have to evade sympathetic. Or we don’t have to evade fight and flight mode. We don’t have to struggle to get back to a place of safe and connection. That happens naturally. That’s built into the system.

It’s like a program that’s written into a computer. And all you have to do is when you type in the command. It just automatically executes the program. But we can’t do that unless we meet the moment. We can’t. Be in the experience of love. If we’re constantly running away. To try to pursue it. It’s right here.

Closing Thoughts

Now this is a lot. This is a big deal. This is complex. And yet also. Ridiculous in its simplicity. I’m not sharing all of it with you here. Because. I can’t share it in an episode.

So in future episodes. We’ll explore this understanding more deeply and practically. But for now. I want to invite you to simply consider this. What if everything you’re looking for is already here? What if you could stop running? What if you could trust. That you are already the peace and love. That you seek.

I look forward to the next episode. And in the meantime. I wish you more love. Not less. Always.

Bye for now.